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By jamie, March 25, 2010 4:09 pm

I asked my mother why we were not paid for chores when we were kids, and she informed me that we didn’t do any (I don’t remember it this way). She also said she should have been charging us (and I DO remember her cleaning my room). As you probably guess, Barbara does not recommend paying our children for completing chores. Her arguments are very convincing, including (among others):

• paying children for chores teaches them “if it’s not rewarded, it’s not worth doing.”
• teaching children to participate in running the household shows them that we respect them as valuable, contributing members of the family.
• helping with chores teaches kids valuable life skills.

This chapter is jam-packed. In addition to covering household chores, it discusses how our children attempt to manipulate us to get their way, recreation and relaxation, and activism against injustices. I’ll try to mention a bit about each.

One thing I really appreciate about her discussion on chores is that they should not be assigned by gender. I remember when my husband and I visited my grandparents’ home for Thanksgiving one year, all of the males in the house were instructed to sit down, and the women were invited into the kitchen to serve the men their plates (women’s work you know) – my dear honey explained that he could serve his own plate, thank-you-very-much. He knows how to wash laundry too (although he puts everything in the dryer, so laundry is usually my chore in our home).

If you have children older than 12 months old, you probably already know that they are skilled con artists (Barbara says they must practice in the womb). She lists three major categories of “cons” including: “begging, bribing, wailing, wailing, and gnashing of teeth”; “anger and aggression”; and “The Sulk” (my daughter is very accomplished with The Sulk, and so is my husband, because after all, we were all children once, and our childhood skills don’t just go away). For each type of con, Barbara provides helpful advice to help parents stay strong (basically, being assertive and consistent is the key, even when the neighbors, strangers or the grandparents are witnessing the battle of wills).

One time I heard a little girl telling her grandmother that she wanted to go to the playground. The grandmother (someone I know to be extremely self-centered) looked annoyed and responded, “Why would we want to go to the playground? That will not accomplish anything.” Of course going to the playground accomplishes something – it accomplishes FUN! in the section on recreation, Barbara expresses concern about involving kids in only competitive activities, such as organized sports, gymnastics, etc. “These games of elimination eventually result in many kids giving up, becoming sports rejects and dropouts.” She prefers cooperative play. I think both are a good idea, as long as we don’t give our children the impression that their personal worth is tied to their success at the soccer game.

The chapter concludes with a discussion of teaching kids activism – my mom was great about teaching speak out against unfairness, injustice, or hypocrisy. (Thanks to her, one time I took on the elementary school administration over Michael Jackson posters because of hypocrisy, but that is probably a topic for another time.)

Next up: Money

Scroll down for other posts about Kids Are Worth It:

Other posts about Kids Are Worth It:
Part 1: Kids Are Worth it, by Barbara Coloroso
Part 2: Do You Want to be a Butterfly?
Part 3: “Scratch-and-Sniff-Sticker and Star Syndrome”
Part 4: Real World Consequences
Part 5: We Don’t Do Sarcasm
Part 6: If You Have Strong-Willed Children, Lucky You
Part 7: Tantrums, Toddlers, and Teens
Part 8: Teach ‘Em a Lesson
Part 9: Sex, Drugs, and Teenagers
Part 10: Fighting like Cats and Dogs?
Part 11: Children as Professional Con Artists
Part 12: Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees
Part 13: I Love My Picky Eater(s)
Part 14: Please Baby, Sleep
Part 15: Big Kid Undies
Part 16: Birds and Bees

Comments (7)

By jamie,

Good thing Jonah Lehrer is early in his writing career, because I liked this book so much that I want to go out and buy everything he has ever written. (Stay tuned, because I’m sure I will be blogging about Proust Was a Neuroscientist soon.)

The book examines what occurs in our brains when we make decisions. More specifically, it explains the differences between emotional and rational decisions, and details which one is more efficient at any given time. Using recent brain research, Some of the most interesting and, at times poignant findings are from people who have suffered brain damage (such as those who have, or have had, brain tumors) – when the rational and emotional brains cannot work together, or when one does not work at all, it becomes virtually impossible do make certain decisions. For example, without a properly functioning emotional brain, people get stuck trying to make simple decisions (such as what shirt to wear, or what restaurant to eat at) because their rational brain can’t stop examining the pros and cons of each possible choice. Another surprise – the rational brain does not make the best shopping decisions – if you conduct exhaustive research on what car to buy, for example, you will not necessarily choose the best car

One section describes the criminal mind, and how, even though we might think of certain particularly heinous criminals as incapable of reason, some are actually ONLY capable of reason. Another talks about how our unconscious (emotional) mind gathers a wealth of information, and that when we talk of intuition, we are actually referring to the extremely effective functioning of this part of our brain. Lehrer also explains how we can teach our brains to function better in instances when there is not time to think (such as when a quarterback is on the field, or when an airline pilot faces an unusual problem while in the air).

This is not a textbook – it is written for everyone. I initially found this slightly frustrating, because I am used to reading academic books, with complete, easily verifiable citations – Lehrer includes a bibliography, but he doesn’t break up the text with footnotes or endnotes – but ultimately I decided that it makes the book more readable. His language is easily understood (a definite plus, particularly when he explains brain chemistry), and most readers are likely to enjoy his engaging, entertaining style.

There is something for everyone in this book – examples are interesting and varied – coming from everywhere, including the world of sports, aviation, military, firefighting, game shows, grocery stores, and others.

One thing I really liked is that Lehrer encourages personal responsibility in the actions of the general public (in other words, most of us can’t say that our brains made us mess up) – the final chapter of the book includes a list of suggestions about how to make better decisions, and how to examine our past choices to improve future ones. We can all benefit from this!

Scroll down for other posts about How We Decide:

Other posts:
Review
Post 1: Quarterbacks have to take IQ Tests
Post 2: Emotions Control our Brains
Post 3: One Marshmallow or Two?
Post 4: The Cheap Stuff Tastes Better
Post 5: Moral Instincts Are Emotional, Not Rational
Post 6: Political Pundits vs. Dart-Throwing Chimps
Post 7: Want to be a Psychic Poker Player?