When Cristián de la Fuente was a finalist on Dancing with the Stars, the show’s producers expected him to be naturally gifted with dancing talent because of his Latino roots. He has also played drug dealers, janitors, Latin lovers, and every other stereotypical Latino male role on television and in film. This book is an attempt to address stereotypical beliefs about people with Spanish-speaking ancestors, and to explain that we are not all the same. The book is also an attempt at humor, so I am having a little bit of trouble reading it, just as I have trouble watching Carlos Mencia or George Lopez make fun of our stereotypical shortcomings, but perhaps I am just a fuddy=duddy.

We are called by many names. Growing up on southern California, the term I heard the most was “Mexican,” although I have checked many a box that says “Hispanic.” Personally, I prefer the term “Latino” because I don’t really consider my genealogy as tracing to Spain (although I don’t think there was much Latin spoken by my ancestors either), even though I am from the U.S. Southwest and clearly have some Spanish ancestry. Anyway, the moral of the story is that we are not all the same, even though many Anglos do not care what our differences may be. Cristián (who is from Chile) was once even asked to play a Brazilian, and the director was not bothered by the fact that Brazilians do not speak Spanish (they speak Portuguese in case you were wondering).

As a self-identified Latina sociologist reading this book, sometimes I find things funny and other times I am annoyed with the humor. For example, he pushes the “Latin lover” stereotype in territory that makes me feel concern for his wife. Basically, he asserts that Latino men will bed any woman, and that they are perfectly happy to impregnate women that they are not married to) – his Latinas also seem to be willing to make babies with random neighbors or delivery men (but not if the men are “old, bald, short, illiterate, and poor”).

One bit that resonated with me is a paragraph in his discussion of the Latino family:

To a typical Anglo family…kids are supposed to follow their dreams, which most of the time involves going to a city, working there, finding their soul mate, getting married, and finally having kids of their own. Grandparents and aunts and cousins are seen on Thanksgiving and Christmas, maybe every other year for each side of the family. Grandparents complain about their sons and daughters not visiting them enough, and sons and daughters complain about their mothers phoning them too much. Latinos watch these kinds of stories on TV and are completely mystified by them.”

And one more: “Latino families have a profound respect for their elders…. Latinos might work in retirement homes, but we never live in them. Elders are to be catered to, indulged, consulted, and obeyed.”

I married an Anglo, and I love him and dearly. I love his family too, and I consider them my family too. When I married him, I was of the opinion that the family described in the block quote above was fictional, designed to make movies funny or dramatic. It turns out that I was wrong. So now, and I am almost hesitant to write this, but I’m going to do it anyway, because it’s what I was honestly thinking of when I read this part of the book – now I sometimes feel like I am being asked to prove my loyalty to one family over the other (Florida family vs. my extended family), and it makes no sense to me, because that’s like being asked to choose one leg over the other – they are both part of the whole unit. Of course I want to spend as much time as possible with my extended family, because they are mine, and I want them to be close to my kiddo, because we belong to them. This does not mean that I am choosing them over my husband here in Florida, or that I am prioritizing one over the other.

I am here most of the time, and I am building my life here, and my girl has the opportunity to be close to her grandparents and other family members here for most of the year. Any time I spend with my extended family (and the seven-hour plane ride it takes to get to them) is, to me, money well spent, and still a pittance compared with living three miles away from them. I don’t think hubby appreciates how lucky he is to be so geographically close to his loved ones. I knew it would not be easy to move so far away, but I am grateful for my husband and daughter, and the life I have with them and with his extended family. At the same time, I want to talk to my mother every day, and my Reyna and my sister too if possible. I want to have dinner with my dad more than on every other Thanksgiving, and I want to watch my nephew grow up in more than just photos. I want my girl to be just as close to my family as I am, and I am willing to make sacrifices to achieve these things. That’s what family does.

I’m not sure where to categorize this book even though I have already completed the first nine chapters, but I’m putting it in “Latino Studies” for the time being. (You’re welcome, Cristián.)

Other posts about Hot, Passionate, and Illegal?:

Post 1: Hot, Passionate, and Illegal?
Post 2: Food Martyrdom and the Evil Eye
Post 3: Dedicated to Arizonans Against SB1070
Post 4: The Day I Walked to Mexico

One Response to “Hot, Passionate, and Illegal? by Cristián de la Fuente and Federico Lariño #1”

1. Jen Doyle says:

   May 5, 2010 at 7:22 pm

   Coming from a typical anglo family, I kind of agree with the stereotype to some extent. The family I grew up in is an abnormality compared to this standard, although my extended family is not. When I got married, I fully expected my husband’s family to be as close and loving as mine, even though they lived on the other side of the US. His family has anglo roots too, but are from the South, and he grew up through several divorces. I don’t know if the divorces are the cause or part of the cause, but there is a definite disconnect in his family. For years one of his family members kept asking him when he was going to have kids, then when he finally had them, it was like the person could care less, or at least that’s how I took it in comparison. I think blending any family coming from different backgrounds is a difficult and tricky experience, and it’s so much harder when you come into a relationship with previous expectations (whether believed or based on past experience).

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