One of the things my mom has always said (and it generally makes me grumpy when she says it to me) is “you didn’t mean not to.” This is pretty much her standard reply when someone, making an excuse for some oversight or result of poor planning, says – “Sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” Accidents happen, of course, but most of them are avoidable if we think before we act or speak.

I finished the book, and Jillian Michaels pretty much quotes my mom in the section on conscious decision making. She describes a Biggest Loser contestant who lost his chance at victory due to “unexpected” dental problems – some may see this as bad luck, but she believes it was actually the result of poor planning – had he taken better care of his teeth, he would have been better equipped to maximize the opportunity of being on the show. I’m not sure her example was the best one (some people have better teeth than others, or have had incredibly bad dentists) – I think gaining the weight in the first place is a much better example. We can’t really say “I didn’t mean to let my weight get out of control” – it’s much more accurate to say “I didn’t mean not to gain all this weight.” Let’s face it – a lot of poor decisions can eventually add up to a very serious weight/health issue (or other problem).

It takes constant conscious decision making to pull ourselves out of our most serious mess-ups, whether they involve weight, relationships, money, or something else. We have to mean to fix it, and every decision we make has to point us in the right direction. She talks about being “in the moment” as much as possible. I think this is excellent advice.

Quite a bit of this section is devoted to the importance of networking and communication. For someone who is so fixated on interdependence over independence, I admit that this is a challenging area for me. I’m not so great at self promotion or asking for help. I have probably let some really great mentors pass me by because I was too shy to put myself out there. I haven’t attended office hours when I should have, have kept quiet when I really shouldn’t have, actively avoid networking situations (too scary!) – it’s a problem. And I guess it’s particularly odd because I do really well in front of a classroom – I don’t feel shy at all when I’m teaching. I forced myself to read this section slowly and promised myself that I will do better. We’ll see.

Scroll down for other posts about Unlimited:

Review
Part 1: Unlimited: How to Build an Exceptional Life, by Jillian Michaels
Part 2: Anxiety and Fear
Part 3: Target Practice
Part 4: You Didn’t Mean Not To