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By jamie, October 21, 2011 7:26 am

Halloween and Dia de los Muertos are my favorite holidays. I feel kind of bad this year because I have been so busy teaching and whatnot that I haven’t decorated much at all – just a couple of things on top of the bookshelf in the entryway to the house.

This weekend I am going to try to catch up on a few things though, including my reading, and even though I have a huge back-log, I want to read a couple of titles to celebrate this special time of year. So, here is what I picked – I hope they don’t take me two months to read:

1. Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife, by Mary Roach. If you haven’t heard of Mary Roach yet, please do yourself a favor and stop reading my blog long enough to find a copy of Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers. No, seriously – it is a fascinating book, especially if you are into those TV shows like Bones and CSI. You might have trouble putting it down. I hope Spook is just as entertaining and informative.

2. The Discovery of Witches, by Deborah E. Harkness. This one is a novel (the first of a planned trilogy), and was written by a history professor. I ordered this book when it was released earlier this year, after reading some positive reviews. I know I mostly blog about nonfiction, but I really love novels too, and it’s a real treat when I read one.

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By jamie, September 30, 2011 8:53 pm

I really DO read two books a week. In fact, generally I read two books A DAY, sometimes even three. The vast majority contain brightly colored pages with just a few lines of text, maximum, but Little Mama loves every one of them.

I am teaching at two colleges now, four classes on three different campuses. In other words, I am pretty busy. My girl is back in preschool, and I’m so glad when I can pick her up and take her home with me. We love reading books together at bedtime, and then I do course prep or try to work on my blogs when she goes to sleep.

The other night after we turned the lights out, I mentioned that I was going to get up to work a little before I went to sleep:

Little Mama: What do you need to do for your work, Mommy?

Me: I want to work on my blog.

LM: Just use your computer right here in bed and I will watch you until I fall asleep.

Me: Well, I guess we can try it for a few minutes, but if I’m distracting you too much I’ll have to leave the room.

LM: What do you do for your blog?

Me: Well, sometimes I write about you, or teaching, or just interesting things about our lives. Other times I write about the books I read. Sometimes I write something called a “book review” which is where I tell people what I liked about a particular book, and what I didn’t like, so they can decide if they want to read it too.

LM: [Giggling with excitement.] You can write about The World Champion of Staying Awake so everyone can read it! [That is our current favorite. She has it memorized because we "read" it almost every night.]

Me: Well, I don’t write about those kinds of books. I write about other books I read.

LM: [Disappointed.] But Mommy, that’s your favorite book in the whole world.

Me: [Considering it.] Well, I guess we could try it. Will you help me write about it?

LM: But Mommy, I don’t really know how to write yet.

Me: How about if you tell me what you think about the book and I will type what you tell me to and that will be your book review, and then I’ll add my thoughts?

LM: [Nodding her head and giggling excitedly.] OK Mommy! Let’s do that right now!

Me: Well, I think I’m distracting you from going to sleep. So let’s both go to sleep and we’ll write our book review this weekend if you still want to.

She didn’t want to go to sleep, as usual, but we worked it out. She reminded me about the book review again today, so I think we are going to try it tomorrow. Don’t worry – I am not going to change this into a little kid’s book review blog, but if Little Mama has fun giving her opinion, we might see about making it a semi-regular thing. If it’s really fun I can see about putting “her posts” on a separate page or something. We’ll see how it goes.

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By Jeff, June 19, 2011 12:43 pm

My wife invited me to “guest-post” on a book she’d started reading for this blog, and as with most things I’m somewhat uncomfortable or unsure about I demurred without full denial. My actual response was something like: “urmmm.. I don’t know… maybe.”

When she pitched the idea again, right after I finished a mediocre book I’d stuck with as something to put me to sleep, but not suck too much time out of me getting caught up on work, I relented: “okay, I’ll try reading it and see.”
I began with the intro — something I started doing around 25 years of age. Before that introductions annoyed me to much. (I’d occasionally read preludes, but never introductions.)

So I’ve changed, if not necessarily mellowed.   I still have an instinctual aversion to public postings — but as I approach what used to be thought of as middle age, maybe it’s time to try shifting things a bit, but overall, the main reason I’m here writing is that I hope it will make my wife a bit happier.  I figure that’s a pretty damn good reason to try something — at least once!

So:  The intro — my first reaction: “Economists are scientists — you’re kidding me right!?”  I know they try to be methodical about things, but to me, the field is so riddled with category mistakes and correlation fallacies that it’s tough to take it seriously as hard science.   Of course it isn’t hard science by definition — so it’s my own prejudice and the adoption of the “science” label by  social science as a whole that’s the problem, not really a problem with economists.   Hmm – back to my point re: the book — I’m willing to listen / read, but I’m skeptical going in — due to the hammer phenomenon which is apparently referred to as the “Law of the instrument”  – the catch phrase goes: “When you have a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail”  so we have economists who want to fix marriage by using . . . economics!   Wow — couldn’t see that coming.    I decided to stuff down the skepticism and keep reading — and yes I’m pretty much always skeptical of advice or self-help books.

Chapter One: Division of Labor

Summary: Splitting work so each person does what they do more of the jobs they are good at and less of those they are not good at (relatively) is a good thing.

My first reaction to the chapter is rather arrogant:  “Duh,  doesn’t everybody understand market economics at this basic level?”    Hmm.. I’m betting the answer is no.    My second was enlightening “You mean not everybody thinks about marriage this way?”  So — while maybe not directly useful to me as advice — it’s yet another reminder that I’m weird, and that I have to be aware of that.   Assuming other people will, when properly coached and prompted view everything in a bottom line logic / math problem is a recipe for social disaster.   I know this, but I forget it most when dealing with people I like.  The chapter asserts that big problems arise from small disputes over labor being handled illogically.   Holy crap — I get excited that my wife’s reading a book that advises couples to be more logical.   My hopes crash — she’s gonna hate this.   On the gripping hand maybe I’m just reading my own biases into this chapter and we’ll both come up with something useful if we talk it over.   My take away:  Anything which smacks so strongly of geekiness and logic is going to be a hard sell for most couples, but who knows — maybe the examples will convince people to try it.

Chapter Two: Loss Aversion

Summary: Everybody hates to lose — so much it makes them stupid.

Okay — I can go with this.  The examples are rather poignant and varied enough that I think most folks will find something familiar there.   I found an example of the (of course not on my side of a disagreement, but on my wife’s) phenomena today.  But I’m not sure what to do with it.   Would it be useful to point out the behavior, or counter-productive.   I guess in that sense this more a self-help chapter than a couples coping chapter.  If I don’t recognize the mistakes or problems — does that mean I’m being delusional or does it mean that simply make my mistakes somewhere else.   I’m not sure that hashing these issues / questions out would work without liberal application of medicinal alcohol on both sides of the equation.

Chapter Three: Supply and Demand

The books subtitle: “Or, how to have more sex”

My summary:  Lack of communication sucks.

Basically most married couples don’t have sex enough.   The reasons vary, but at root — they make it too hard to do so.   I think for me the biggest problem is empathy.   Because despite our outwardly lascivious culture — the United States still has a very strong Puritan streak.  I think that most people are either suppressing that Puritan streak — most moderately sexual people — or rebelling against it — the sexually profligate outliers that get so much media attention.   So we’re so tied up in the “morality” of sex that we are neither logical nor empathetic in regards to sex.  On reflection, it’s probably the area where I’m the most self-centered and least empathetic.  Pointing this out in a few different ways with a logical “bottom line” backdrop could be one of the best things the book does.  Of course I’m less than a third of the way through.

We’ll See…

Scroll down for other posts about Spousonomics:

Review
Part 1: Spousonomics, by Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson
Part 2: Yoga and Over-Cooked Chicken
Part 3: Unpacking my Suitcases
Part 4: Don’t Lecture Me
Part 5: Games and Bubbles
GB Part 1: Post-privacy and Marriage

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By jamie, June 2, 2011 12:18 pm

Hi Blog Friends! Greetings from the Bahamas! I have missed you, but have been enjoying my break. Because I am completely out of control, I am adding two new books this week. Yes, I know it is Thursday.

The first one is called Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes, by Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson. It applies economic principles to marriage, and it’s funny so far. Geek Boy is flirting with the possibility of reading this one too and blogging his thoughts. We’ll see.

Speaking of GB, he HATES that I start a ton of books and then don’t finish them, and maybe you hate that too. So the other book I brought along on this trip is Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity, by David Allen. Don’t laugh. I bought this one back in January when I was possessed with the idea that becoming a master of time management is as simple as reading a book about productivity. I teach college courses and take care of my family, but I also want to fit a lot more into the average day.

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By jamie, May 23, 2011 8:42 am

Do you have a lot of special things you are keeping for the sentimental value? Do you have anything that was passed on from generation to generation and now it is taking up space in a closet or in the attic? Do you think of it as clutter? In my opinion this means you should ask around and see if any family members might appreciate it more than you do before you go carting it off to Goodwill.

Needless to say, Erin Rooney Doland and I did not start off on the same page. The introductory chapter is supposed to be accomplished before the big week of uncluttering, and it’s all about “sentimental clutter.” She gives several tips on how to eliminate any of this stuff you don’t want, and I got a little bit angry while I was reading it. For example, she says that you don’t have to keep the fine china set that has been in your family for years – if you aren’t displaying it and actively enjoying it, Doland suggests you just keep one piece or one place setting and donate the rest. I think that instead you should ask around and see what other family members would rather have it.

My mom has kept some of the things we loved as kids. She stored them, she DIDN’T display them – if she had listened to this advice, my daughter would not be able to wear some of her mama’s clothing, and she would not be able to play with my dolls. My mom didn’t keep everything – she regularly donated things from our closets and toy boxes, but she held onto a few special things for us to share with our kids. My daughter delights in wearing something that used to be her mama’s or her tia’s. She has some lovely “vintage” items because my mom was a good steward and didn’t consider them “clutter.”

Other things, like a special set of dishes or other heirlooms, might not be on display all the time. Maybe your job can be to store the items and then distribute them to the next generation when they are old enough to appreciate them. If you don’t want this job, you aren’t the person who should have them. As for photos – there is no way I am going to throw away boxes of heirloom photos, and I don’t think a digital copy is the same as having the original. Please, please, if you are type who thinks there is such a thing as “sentimental clutter,” call around and see if any of your family members disagree with you before you start purging.

That said, I don’t think we should keep everything – not everything has sentimental value and is worthy of passing down. I don’t hang onto every piece of paper Little Mama writes on (I DO keep her best work). I gave away my prom dress recently (I kept the wrap and my daughter plays with it), as well as the shoes I wore at my wedding (they were uncomfortable and the only ones I found to match my dress – which hangs proudly in my closet).

What about you?