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By jamie, July 16, 2011 12:23 am

I’m trying to avoid buying so much princess stuff for Little Mama. I’m trying to ease off on the pink, too, with mixed success. While we were in California, I (impulsively) got her a blue T-shirt printed with the words, “I Play Like a Girl, Jealous?” Then we went home and I agonized over the purchase – I don’t want her to feel like she is in a big competition against boys and that one has to be better than the other.

I finished the book – I’m glad I read it. The last couple of chapters are about finding real heroes for girl and about the Internet and how girls portray themselves online.

Orenstein mentions that one of our favorite Disney movies, The Princess and the Frog, was not a big hit at the box office (though the merchandize has done well) because it was marketed as a girl’s movies, so boys weren’t interested. She says that, as a result, Disney retooled Rapunzel into a more boy-friendly offering, one that she didn’t have high hopes for at all [it was released after this book went to press].

Her discussion of the classic version of the story got me thinking: the way I remember it, Rapunzel’s mother had a craving for her neighbor’s radishes, and sold her unborn child in exchange for the desired snack. The neighbor, a witch, locked the child in a tower, and then there was the part about the long hair. In that version, the witch kind of saved the girl in a way – I mean, what kind of mother, however hormonal, values radishes more than the life of her child? As for the Disney adaptation, I actually liked it – I could have done without all of the clobbering people with cast iron skillets, but I don’t mind that there is also a strong male character in the film.

Back to finding heroes for girls – I don’t think “girl power” should mean that girls must be taught that boys stink or some such nonsense. My favorite types of entertainment for kids are the ones where boys and girls play together and one doesn’t dominate the other. I recently discovered the Backyardigans – sadly, they have stopped making new episodes, but at least there are over 70 of them. This show is a great example of kids interacting – each episode shows a group of neighbor children (2 girls and 3 boys, but not all of them are featured every time) playing outside and having a very imaginative adventure. I have only seen a handful of episodes, and so far my favorite character, Uniqua (a little pink bug of some sort) has pretended to be an astronaut (the one in charge), a librarian/masked (overdue book) retriever, the town sheriff, a famous inventor, and a ninja. Sometimes the girls play “girly” roles, but most of the time it’s pretty gender neutral.

As for the Internet, it makes me so sad to hear that little girls try to portray themselves as “hot” and “cute” and care more about their physical appearance than anything else even in this realm. And this is before they are old enough to read teen magazines, and the ones their older sisters read. I recently got a free subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine, and it is pretty depressing:

Every cover story (and pretty much the rest of the magazine, too) focuses predominantly on pleasing a man and looking as sexy and beautiful as possible. Some girl power. Now, I get that this magazine is geared toward young women (as opposed to pre-teens and their younger sisters), but those covers are seen and their messages are sought after by girls of all ages. Put a beautiful and admired female star in the center of the headlines (make sure she looks very sexy, and bonus points for gratuitous use of Photoshop), and you have a recipe for self esteem issues for girls everywhere.

I want to end this post on a positive note, so here’s a little something we overheard while shopping earlier today. There was a family walking into the store as we were walking out and the boy was teasing the two younger girls he was with – specifically, he was mocking girls’ ability to succeed in sports. The girls were starting to defend themselves when the dad intervened:

Dad in Parking Lot: Now, wait a minute. This weekend the entire world is going to be watching the World Cup, and the U.S. team has a chance of winning. The Women’s World Cup – every one of those women is a strong athlete, and they are so good that the whole world will be watching.

Boy: Are we going to the game?

Dad: We are going to watch it on television along with everybody else, and you’ll see how great girls can be at sports.

Hmm. I don’t follow sports of any kind, but I might have to make an exception. What time does the game start?

Scroll down for other posts about Cinderella Ate My Daughter:

Review
Part 1: Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein
Part 2: Team Pink
Part 3: I Like the Bad Guys
Part 4: Sluts and Superheroes
Part 5: Girl Power

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By jamie, June 17, 2011 7:41 pm

When my daughter turned three, she decided it was time to conquer her fears. She has not yet tackled the dreaded vacuum cleaner, but she is slowly working her way through a list of popular animated films for kids, even the ones she originally thought were too scary. It is fascinating, watching her face her fears – “Mommy, I like the bad guys best,” she recently told me, looking just a little bit terrified.

I reach chapters 5-6,both of which are so interesting that I cannot possibly do them justice. Just a few topics covered: kid beauty pageants, clothing, makeup, guns, creative play, television, the Twilight series (I certainly don’t want my daughter to see Bella Swan as a role model!) and fairy tales.

We had a (beautiful) pageant girl in one of my classes. When we covered gender inequality, she defended her hobby, touting the benefits – increased poise, self confidence, etc., and said that not all pageants sexualize young girls (meaning that the ones she participated in did not allow make up; they DID include a swim suit competition, though). Her fellow classmates were not nice – they had only negative things to say, and by the time they were finished, she publicly retired from the pageant circuit, saying that she was tired of the negative effect that such competitions had on her self esteem.

Orenstein toured the kid pageant circuit as research for this book, pointing out that at, some level, it’s just a (very expensive, but very fun) game of dress up for the girls, and possibly a bridge to better opportunities for some families. It’s kind of appalling hearing how many thousands of dollars some parents sink into these competitions, for dresses, lessons, and even home tanning equipment (which, honestly, I have no idea why so many people want to turn themselves orange, let alone their kids, but I digress).

On make up: 18% of girls ages 8-12 use mascara, and almost half of girls ages 6-9 use lip gloss. I recently bought Little Mama her own make up, but just for dress up, and she doesn’t even use it that often. She wears lip balm in public (with sunscreen), but that’s it. I wasn’t allowed to wear make up until I was 14; I wonder how much luck we will have keeping her face paint-free that long.

Kids want to copy what grown ups do. On one hand, that’s part of learning and growing. On the other hand, I think there should be limits. I want to talk about Barbie again (you’ll see why in a minute) – when we were on vacation, a friend gave Little Mama two more Barbie dolls, with the promise of more next time we visit. My daughter was/is thrilled by this. Sadly, Barbie dresses like a slut. For a three-year old, this makes her less fun than other dolls – the clothing is too tight, so she needs help getting Barbie changed. Barbie is not the only one though – we went shopping for summer clothing this afternoon and I was once again annoyed with the slutty clothing choices for little girls as young as mine. T-shirts shouldn’t be as fitted as they are – some of them are tapered in at the waist, as though to create curves.

Call me a prude if you want to, I don’t think Barbie is the problem – we don’t need Barbie to make each other feel inadequate – if three-year-olds are encouraged to wear “skinny jeans” and skin-tight T-shirts, what chance do they have of developing a positive body image, Barbie or no? If our young girls, whether they are our daughters or sisters or friends, watch us freaking out about our “muffin tops,” they will follow, just like they copy our make up application and our kitchen habits. It’s inappropriate for me to show off half my body in public, and it’s inappropriate for my teenager (and my preschooler!) to show off hers as well. We say we want girls to feel good about themselves, but how many of us put our money where our mouths are? Here in Florida I see women and girls of all ages wearing string bikinis IN THE GROCERY STORE – seriously, is this really necessary? What message does that send little girls – you even have to look sexy at the grocery store.

Another interesting part of this section was about guns and whether kids (girls or boys) should be allowed to play with them. We did when we were little – we had cap guns (and they were silver and authentic looking – obviously those days are gone). Like Orenstein, I remember the sulfur smell they made when we “fired” them. I remember trying to twirl them on my fingers before re-holstering. I have no memory of pretending to shoot my sister, and I am one of the least combative people I know. I know it’s not politically correct to let kids play with toy guns today, but it was interesting to read the “expert” opinions that say kids need to engage in some violent play to help them deal with their fears (actually, the discussion of creative play and children’s television is fascinating, even though I am not entirely convinced).

One more bit: she compares Grimm’s fairy tales to the “sterilized” ones from Disney. Those stories were morbid and violent, but Orenstein points out that the Grimm brothers actually “cleaned them up” for publication – evidently they were based on stories involving incest and premarital sex. I guess I should stop complaining about Disney “messing up” the stories.

Scroll down for other posts about Cinderella Ate My Daughter:

Review
Part 1: Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein
Part 2: Team Pink
Part 3: I Like the Bad Guys
Part 4: Sluts and Superheroes
Part 5: Girl Power

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By jamie, May 26, 2011 11:01 pm

When my daughter was two, I bought her a Barbie. Then I posted about my purchase on my Facebook page, prompting one female friend to refer to me as “brave.” I couldn’t help but think that she actually had a different word in mind, but was being polite, and so I think I defended myself a little (or maybe I just thought about it). Honestly, I don’t really have a problem with Barbie, other than the fact that she dresses like a hooker (even when she is supposed to be a dentist). I have a rather large collection of Barbies saved from childhood, and I have fond memories of playing with them. Not once did they make me feel like I should begin starving myself, and they didn’t spark a future interest in cosmetic surgery or bra stuffing. They were just dolls; it was fun to dress them and make them talk to each other, and they provided my sister and me with hours of harmless entertainment. (By the way, I read chapters 3-4. The author describes her trip to a huge toy convention, as well as research about kids, toys, and gender.)

My daughter really wanted the Barbie, she asked several times over the course of several shopping trips, and so I bought her one when we were shopping for a toy (had she asked for a Bratz doll I would have persuaded her choose a Barbie instead; the Bratz dolls annoy me, probably because of the “z”). Had she asked for a different toy several times and we were shopping for toys, I would have gotten that for her too (like I did recently when she wanted a kid-sized rake and push broom set). While I think that two years old seems young for Barbie, I don’t think that limiting girls’ choices is an effective way to teach them that they have unlimited choices in life (within reason of course – please don’t come after me with extreme hypotheticals).

That said, I really hate the Pepto Bismol-colored explosion in the toy department. My mom took the kids shopping one day a few months ago and allowed them each to pick out a toy. I can’t remember what Little Guy chose, but I know our girl wanted an airplane (Little Guy has a few and she loves to play with them). She had one all picked out and was holding it enthusiastically when she spotted the pink version of the same toy. Back went the white plane with the more interesting passenger variety, discarded in favor of the pink one. This, to me (and to Orenstein), is very limiting – if it’s not pink, does that mean girls can’t play with it? If it’s pink, is that a sign that boys had better stay away? There are even a pink and purple block set, to make sure your little princess doesn’t have to deal with all of those other useless colors.

Does the pink one go faster? Fly higher?

I already knew that light blue used to be considered a feminine color (think of the Virgin Mary), while pink was the choice for little boys. I hadn’t realized that this distinction was prevalent as late as the 1930s. So much for “little girls were BORN loving pink.” Orenstein points out that the earlier female Disney characters were dressed in light blue, rather than pink, including Alice in Wonderland, Wendy, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella. Sleeping Beauty’s dress was relatively recently switched to pink – if you’re wondering why they chose to switch her costume rather than Cinderella’s, I think I have an answer: we watched the film recently, and there is a scene where the fairy godmothers are arguing over which color Sleeping Beauty’s birthday dress should be – using their magic wands, they repeatedly change the gown from pink to blue and back again – I guess we are to believe that pink prevailed after all.

Among other beloved characters marketed for girls, Orenstein talks about Dora the Explorer, one of Little Mama’s favorites. Naturally, this includes a discussion about the tween Dora doll, which Orenstein says was marketed to girls ages five to eight. My biggest problems with that doll centered around her obviously lightened skin and her ability to change her eye color from brown – did she forget how to speak Spanish, too? I don’t think we need to worry too much though – it seems to have been a flop, judging from the fact that I haven’t seen Tween Dora or her fashionista friends in stores since their controversial debut.

There is so much in these two chapters that I am only giving you a little taste. You should probably read this one, especially if you have daughters. Chapter 4 includes some very interesting commentary about science and gender (nature versus nurture, brain development, etc.). Here are two highlights:

- Little kids don’t realize that sex is static until, for some, as late as age seven. This explains why Little Mama constantly asks me if people are male or female (much to my embarrassment), then challenges my answer based on hair length or clothing choice, even if she seems to know better. For example, if she sees a woman with very short hair, or a man with long hair, she asks for verification. When she wears her cousin’s clothing though, like jeans he has outgrown, she doesn’t seem to think she has turned into a boy though, so I would like to read more about this concept.

- Even non-human primates gravitate toward gender specific toys – even if they have never previously seen them. Honestly, I have to wonder if they were responding to unintentional cues from the researchers. Again, I would like to learn more.

Scroll down for other posts about Cinderella Ate My Daughter:

Review
Part 1: Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein
Part 2: Team Pink
Part 3: I Like the Bad Guys
Part 4: Sluts and Superheroes
Part 5: Girl Power

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By jamie, May 23, 2011 9:35 pm

GB and I were convinced that, when we became parents, we would raise our children in an egalitarian setting, with no pressure toward gender-specific activities or colors. By the time we learned we were having a girl, though, the pink started rolling in and I started to think that we were wishing for the impossible. It was during this time of personal conflict that I embarrassed myself in a classroom – we had a guest speaker in one of my classes who asked us to introduce ourselves, and to share our favorite color. Here I am putting my foot in my mouth (tricky at eight months pregnant): My name is Jamie and my favorite color is red. This (pointing at my very-pregnant belly) – is a sweet little girl. I don’t know her favorite color yet, but I hope it isn’t pink.” I was trying to make a joke, and I was thinking about my plans to raise a little girl who could choose any color in the world as her favorite, but no one laughed. To make matters worse, the next person to introduce herself indicated that she loved pink (and here she was, pursuing a Master’s degree). Ouch.

I have been really excited to read this book since I heard about it on NPR, particularly now that our girl is three and in the middle of a serious Princess Phase. I read the first two chapters, and there it too much to share here. It’s a quick read, and probably worth it if you have daughters or young girls you care about. After I finished reading, I asked Little Mama who her favorite princesses are. I am happy to report that she didn’t immediately understand the question (she needed context). Then she responded, “Tiana, Rapunzel, and Princess Fiona [from Shrek].” She doesn’t know this, but I felt like she (and I) had passed some sort of secret test when she named these particular characters. For one thing, Princess Fiona isn’t even affiliated with Disney, and the other two don’t spend the bulk of their animated pictures waiting to be rescued by a handsome prince (unlike most of the others).

I am keeping her away from the Little Mermaid as long as possible – the songs might be catchy, but the story is downright horrible: a mermaid sells her voice to an evil creature in order to “land” her man. Talk about family values…. Want to hear something else creepy about those princesses? Because Walt Disney did allow the mixing of characters from separate stories, the Disney princesses are never depicted looking at one other. They are NOT friends. I had noticed this before – some of the merchandise just looks as though someone Photoshopped in several disconnected images to create the final product.

Another bit of information from this section: researchers have taken young men and women and asked them to try on an article of clothing (either a bathing suit or a sweater) and then take a math test. The girls who tried on the bathing suit scored the worst on the math test, while the boys were unaffected by either piece of clothing. This is going to bug me for awhile – I know that this obsession with personal appearance starts much earlier than I expected it to. Little Mama now lays her clothing out before bed, complete with shoes and accessories. She plans her “hair dos” and sometimes asks to sleep with curlers so she can be “beautiful.” I have no idea how to combat this because, let’s face it – I am trying to get along as a woman in society too. I am already embarrassed to pick her up from school if I am not looking my best because I don’t want the kids to think her mom isn’t pretty – I don’t want her to be embarrassed by me and she is only three.

Orenstein spends a bit of time talking abut American Girl dolls in this section. Little Mama has one (Julie), as well as an extra outfit, courtesy of my mom and my Reyna – Julie and Fancy Nancy are her favorite dolls. Most of the chain stores now carry their own version of these 18 inch dolls, which makes me happy, because those dolls are expensive, and this means more little girls will be able to participate in the American Girl parties and fun (at least I hope they will). Evidently, these dolls are supposed to be an alternative to Barbie and the pressure to grow up too fast. Orenstein is right, though – they really are a lesson in consumerism. She takes a mother and daughter with her to the main store in New York, and they end up leaving with $500 worth of merchandise. My Little Mama already loves to go shopping with me – it’s probably a good thing we don’t live near one of these stores, although I think I would be able to control myself.

It’s so sneaky, the way it happens, the way we socialize our daughters toward stereotypical behavior without even meaning to. We think they are cute when they want to get all dressed up on a Saturday – we tell them how beautiful they are (and even if we don’t, everyone else does). We rationalize that girls are lucky because they have more choices than boys (after all, most boys can’t get away with wearing a tutu to preschool) and then we ignore the fact that they are limiting their choices to things that are “acceptable” for girls. And it’s all innocent and fun until we find out that eleven year old girls are developing eating disorders (but I’m getting ahead of myself – we’ll see if Orenstein takes the discussion there).

Tomorrow: all about the color pink

Scroll down for other posts about Cinderella Ate My Daughter:

Review
Part 1: Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein
Part 2: Team Pink
Part 3: I Like the Bad Guys
Part 4: Sluts and Superheroes
Part 5: Girl Power

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By jamie, August 6, 2010 10:00 am

The other night when we were trying to get our little Smartypants to go to sleep, she asked for milk after she had already gotten some. I asked if she was thirsty and offered her water instead. She took the water, had a drink, and immediately started coughing, complaining “That water made me cough! It’s cough-y water! Milk is better. Get me some milk!” Then, to emphasize her point, she took another swig of water, and proceeded to fake cough herself silly.

Evidently, children as young as two years old are extremely effective at convincing their parents to spend money. There is an entire industry formed around this fact, complete with trade publications, focus groups, and conferences. They have codified different “nagging techniques” children use to convince their parents to buy them what they want – I am familiar with some of them, and I think my daughter has even invented a few of her own. The fast food industry capitalizes on this with playgrounds, “free” toys with food purchases, and beloved characters, all designed to convince kids to “nag” their parents into to opening up their wallets. Shameful really, and yet extremely lucrative.

I finished Section 1. Here is the saddest passage (among many sad passages), this one in reference to the idea that the partnership between Disney and McDonald’s [UPDATE: a friend who works for Disney pointed out that the McDonald's-Disney marriage has ended; the book describes it as a ten-year deal beginning in 1996] allows parents to give their children some of what makes Disney so special without spending too much money:

A memo sought to explain the underlying psychology behind many visits to McDonald’s: parents took their children to McDonald’s because they ‘want the kids to love them…it makes them feel like a good parent.’ The advertising needed to capitalize on these feelings, letting parents know that ‘ONLY MCDONALD’S MAKES IT EASY TO GET A BIT OF DISNEY MAGIC.’ The ads aimed at ‘minivan parents’ would carry an unspoken message about taking your children to McDonald’s: ‘It’s an easy way to feel like a good parent.’”

I don’t know about you, but every time I take my daughter to a fast food restaurant, I feel like a lazy parent. And there’s this: “About one-fifth of the nation’s one- and two-year-olds now drink soda.” The major companies even license their logos to bottle makers, and surveys show that children are given soda in their bottles! This, aside from being bad for their teeth, also can “lead to calcium deficiencies and a greater likelihood of bone fractures,” not to mention diabetes.

The copyright on this book is 2001, with a more recent date of 2004. Schlosser describes soda and fast food companies selling making deals with public school districts, and then encouraging them to meet certain quotas in order to keep revenues at a certain level. One rep is described as trying to convince a high school to make soda machines accessible all day long and to allow students to drink their beverages in the classroom to improve sales. Another school brokered a deal with a soda company to print the company logo on their rooftops to promote sales to passengers taking off from the nearby airport. I think some schools are now moving away from these “deals” because of health concerns – I wonder what’s next though.

This section also talks extensively about how the (extremely wealthy and getting wealthier) corporate executives in the fast food industry have successfully lobbied the U.S. government to keep wages low, to lower workplace safety and anti-crime standards, and to keep crime statistics at fast food places from ever being recorded. As it turns out, because wages and standards are low, fast food workers often go onto commit (sometimes violent) crimes against their own workplaces, occasionally while they are still employees. The companies respond by adding cameras instead of raising wages. (I know the U.S. is a capitalist nation, but hearing stories like this – and there are so many of them – makes it hard to be proud of this.)

Other posts about Fast Food Nation:

Post 1: Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser
Post 2: The Happiest Food on Earth
Post 3: Those Tasty Fries